Lingerie for Comfort of All Things

The spectrum: Sexy lingerie from demure to in-your-face $29.50-$58 at www.victoriassecret.com

With a dip in the markets as low as an unlucky 777 ;(, chances are you and the love of your life might be trading those nights on the town for a little more at home romance. So, utilize those XM channels and IPODS, mix up a couple drinks and don't forget the most important element, a sexy outfit. In an earlier blog, Romancing the Stone, I wrote that not every woman feels comfortable in lingerie, but she should. Like choosing any otherpiece of clothing, staying true to your style, and being conscious of your body (playing up what you like, playing down what you don't), when choosing lingerie is important. Consider things like underwire for support, what underwear shapes look good on your bum, and what silhouette fits you best (flyaways, babydolls, slips?). If you're more conservative in your style of dress or maybe don't feel that comfortable displaying too much skin, teddys, slips, and bustiers are nice. Especially now, with a lot of vintage 50's and 60's inspiration permeating through fashion, demure lingerie is in very high demand. If you're more daring in your fashion approach or love putting your body on display try lacy merrywidows, styles that have cutouts, or a bra/panty combo. Remember confidence is sexy...if you're in an outfit you don't feel comfortable in, you won't look confident or sexy no matter how much skin is showing. Reflect your sex appeal in the lingerie you choose and you'll be effortless ;)...Its nice to explore outside your own box when you're comfortable in your style of lingerie. If you usually choose soft romantic shades like pastels, nudes and whites...get racy in darker tones like black or navy. Once you start feeling comfortable dressing up, if you don't already, you'll find out how much more fun it is to play dress up ;). Flip the coin on these harsh times and look at the bright side, an intimate at home evening with your man in an outfit that he'll love u in....and you'll probably love yourself in more;)...can be really nice...LOVE!!!

I wasn't kidding about the XM Channels ;)!!! If you have satellite radio or your cable provider provides XM or music channels like it...take advantage! Set the tone for the evening by escaping into one of the exotic music channels and a lot of candlelight. My favorites are channels 843 Suite 62, and 872 Caliente ;)...Good music and lingerie go hand in hand...at least I think so ;)....LOVE!!!!

Bouncing Back After a Breakup

Thank God I lost all the losers in my life, or this may have never been ;)

Ahhhhhhh....I wasn't always basking in the wonderful bliss of love and marriage. Trust me, I've definitely had my fair share of relationships that were WAY less than perfect. And at the special request of a very good friend of mine ;), I want to share this post about what it might take to make recovering from heartache just a little shy of difficult; because when is it ever really easy? Of course everyone and every situation and relationship is different, and as always these are the things that worked for me. But, I think we can all agree that bouncing back from a breakup is no easy feat and that a little advice from a first hand source can always help. Finding love again is not only a possibility but an inevitability, because out there for everyone is someone...

• Know Your Worth- I always say that settling down is cool but settling is not, and its not. If you've just ended a relationship where you felt you were given less than you deserve, in any aspect be it emotionally, sexually, or mentally, then you made the RIGHT choice by moving on. Feel comfortable and gratified by your decision. Life is way to short to be settling for less. The person you ultimately want to be with should make you feel like you need to keep striving to better YOURSELF, not like you're doing them a favor by being with them. In life always seek out the person who brings out the best in you!


• Ex's are Ex's for a Reason- When all those beautiful longing feelings begin to fill your heart... remember all those that broke it and smashed it into thousands of pieces. There's a reason things didn't work out, and there's no need to revisit the pain if you don't have to. Remember that history almost always repeats itself. Once you realize that this particular individual just wasn't for you...moving on may be a little easier. Also, relationships shouldn't be hard labor. Of course, anything worth value takes time and effort to nurture, and NO ONE is perfect just like NO RELATIONSHIP is either. A relationship may have little kinks that need working out, but,if you're crying more than you're smiling then some thing's wrong. There's a concrete reason to move beyond this particular chapter.
  
• Sever ties- Some people just can't remain friends after a breakup, and honestly its healthy for both parties. Absence in true love will make the heart grow fonder, but if it just wasn't meant to be, it may start to wander...(into more welcoming arms ;). Staying connected to those old flames will only drag things out, and prolong the inevitable. If you can, try to start living your life with that person outside of its walls; after all you're going to have to get accustomed to things being that way. If its possible to remain friends, try not to do so until you're 100% over the relationship, and there's no fear of relapsing. Of course, when children and shared assets are involved this isn't quite as easy, but just try to be strong and keep things as cordial and neutral as possible.
  
• Don't hold Grudges & Choose Your Enemies Wisely-If its over, its over...and guess what its just time to move on. Your ex's new prospects have nothing to do with the breakup. Even if your man was a cheater..it was HIS infidelity that led to your relationship's demise. (Of course, homewreckers are NEVER cool with me ;) Sometimes innocent people get caught up in the matters of our hearts and its unfortunate. Think about yourself and who next YOU may introduce into your life, and ask yourself if you'd want them entangled in your past relationship's web of mess before taking out your anger and frustration on the next person your ex may have in his life. Also, its such a waste of time and energy...focus on a better you and a better relationship to come.
  
• Be OPEN to New Prospects- Perhaps the reason things didn't work out is because what you thought you liked isn't what you really like at all. As we grow in relationships we also grow within ourselves as individuals. Maybe things didn't work out because you and your partner have outgrown each other. It happens....so what should you do? Date date date! And date DIFFERENT people. Open your mind about your prospects and be open to different people. I alluded to the fact in an earlier blog, The Quarter Life Crisis: Let's Talk About It, that a lot of what we don't even know about ourselves we find out through other people. Explore different potentials to find one that's gonna make you happy next time around.


• Don't Make Excuses for NOT moving on- When someone shows you their a**, take notice of it. We as women, the nurturers of the world, automatically want to heal a relationship or make excuses for those we love, but sometimes the answer lies in the truth. If its broken and unfixable, accept it, and begin to heal YOURSELF.
  
• Be Strong- My mother guided me through my dealings with men with the mantra "A man will only do to you what you allow him too." Truer words were never spoken. If you have a problem with they way you're being treated in a relationship, nip it in the bud or keep it moving. Honestly, if you set the guidelines down from the beginning of what you will and won't stand for, a first mistake should be the last. If you allow someone to continue to hurt, use, or mistreat you, you honestly have no one to blame but yourself. If you don't allow it-it won't happen.

Recovering from a relationship is never easy and its especially hard when you're really truly in love with someone. But, to my knowledge, no one has ever died from a broken heart; it will heal and you'll be better. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and as for relationships this is absolutely true. NO real man wants a weak, vulnerable woman to lay his head on. So take your experience and turn it into strength for the Adonis that awaits you. KNOW what you want next time around and don't be afraid to say it. Its your best life you have to live and you should live it with the best person possible. Love is synonymous with happiness...move forward and find what's real....LOVE

Romancing the Stone

In numerous convos with my girlfriends one subject seems to resonate throughout, sometimes it can just be so hard to get emotion out of the stones we call husbands and boyfriends. Men are just the less emotionally driven sex lets face it. So while their intent may not be malevolent, overtime it can be harder and harder for them to display their amorous affections. They're comfortable, they're complacent....they're MEN! But there are ways to romance those stones and keep those fires burning. They work two-fold; allowing you to shower your man with the love he deserves while giving him reasons to reciprocate it 20 times over, naturally. Forcing emotion out of someone is unnatural and unreal, but everyone needs a boost from time to time, and men are no different. Here are four little things I think you can do that I'm sure will get a rise out of your man...pun definitely intended!

• Mail him a nice card at work- If he's able to receive it that is. Keep the message short and very sweet; something that he can quickly read over and won't risk getting caught reading by his colleagues. Most men are VERY personal about things close to their heart, and that's why they battle with displaying emotions-remember that. If you can't mail your man a card find another way to get a sexy message to him. Fold a note in his towel or in his shirt for the next morning. Put it on the seat of his car or in the back pocket of his jeans. Either way, surprise him with a written display of your love. The element of surprise makes anyone feel special, and guys love to think they're the center of your universe. Let him know you're always thinking about him even when he least expects it! It will elate him, no doubt!
• Buy him a gift for no reason at all- And in this case, less is more. Try to find something small and close to your man's heart and present him with it. Think a nice t-shirt from his favorite sports team, a movie or TV series he loved as a child on DVD etc. Make sure its as unpretentious and personal as possible. Guys actually love things that are directly connected to them. So think small for a big impact.
• Give him a massage- There's a reason after thousands of years this still works. Give your man a nice kneading, but take it up a notch. Think about your spa experiences and reproduce them for him. Light votives and play exotic music. Use a nice massage oil and go to work. Touch everything from his head to his feet. Women are not the only ones who need to be pampered...you want the best from your man, he deserves the best too. Mommies, your Boppy pillow doubles as a nice headrest for a full body massage. Place it at the head of your bed, drape a white or ivory sheet over for a makeshift massage table. Don't forgo any details when massaging your man. He may have had one before, but never one like this...make it an experience for him!
• Indulge his sense-of vision of course. Men are definitely the more visually stimulated of the two sexes, so give him what he wants. Take advantage of what seems to be a booming collection at Victoria's Secret (because Vicky's def has dry spells from time to time) and dress up for him...but really dress up for him! Make yourself as beautiful as you possibly can. Burn the image into his brain for weeks to come by stepping out of your own box. If you usually choose lingeries that are racy and in your face-opt for something sweet & demure and vice versa. Make this evening the only evening its okay to sleep in your make-up. Its a universal theory-guys need to see it to react to it-give him something to react on ;)

Guys are always a conundrum and they will take eternity to completely figure out. Don't be discouraged by their displays of nonchalance or take it personally. Men are men...don't they always need a little boost for something? Balance it out by showering your man with little random acts of am ore'. I guarantee the results will work in your favor. Of course your man has to really love you...even these tips won't work on a jerk! Try this if the rock of your life can sometimes be just that...a stone...trust me there's a soft center in there...you just have to get to it....LOVE!

Not every woman is comfortable parading around in lingerie...but she should be! Look for my upcoming blog on Lingerie for Comfort of All Things where I'll show you my picks for body conscious lingerie you can wow in....LOVE