Bouncing Back After a Breakup

Thank God I lost all the losers in my life, or this may have never been ;)

Ahhhhhhh....I wasn't always basking in the wonderful bliss of love and marriage. Trust me, I've definitely had my fair share of relationships that were WAY less than perfect. And at the special request of a very good friend of mine ;), I want to share this post about what it might take to make recovering from heartache just a little shy of difficult; because when is it ever really easy? Of course everyone and every situation and relationship is different, and as always these are the things that worked for me. But, I think we can all agree that bouncing back from a breakup is no easy feat and that a little advice from a first hand source can always help. Finding love again is not only a possibility but an inevitability, because out there for everyone is someone...

• Know Your Worth- I always say that settling down is cool but settling is not, and its not. If you've just ended a relationship where you felt you were given less than you deserve, in any aspect be it emotionally, sexually, or mentally, then you made the RIGHT choice by moving on. Feel comfortable and gratified by your decision. Life is way to short to be settling for less. The person you ultimately want to be with should make you feel like you need to keep striving to better YOURSELF, not like you're doing them a favor by being with them. In life always seek out the person who brings out the best in you!


• Ex's are Ex's for a Reason- When all those beautiful longing feelings begin to fill your heart... remember all those that broke it and smashed it into thousands of pieces. There's a reason things didn't work out, and there's no need to revisit the pain if you don't have to. Remember that history almost always repeats itself. Once you realize that this particular individual just wasn't for you...moving on may be a little easier. Also, relationships shouldn't be hard labor. Of course, anything worth value takes time and effort to nurture, and NO ONE is perfect just like NO RELATIONSHIP is either. A relationship may have little kinks that need working out, but,if you're crying more than you're smiling then some thing's wrong. There's a concrete reason to move beyond this particular chapter.
  
• Sever ties- Some people just can't remain friends after a breakup, and honestly its healthy for both parties. Absence in true love will make the heart grow fonder, but if it just wasn't meant to be, it may start to wander...(into more welcoming arms ;). Staying connected to those old flames will only drag things out, and prolong the inevitable. If you can, try to start living your life with that person outside of its walls; after all you're going to have to get accustomed to things being that way. If its possible to remain friends, try not to do so until you're 100% over the relationship, and there's no fear of relapsing. Of course, when children and shared assets are involved this isn't quite as easy, but just try to be strong and keep things as cordial and neutral as possible.
  
• Don't hold Grudges & Choose Your Enemies Wisely-If its over, its over...and guess what its just time to move on. Your ex's new prospects have nothing to do with the breakup. Even if your man was a cheater..it was HIS infidelity that led to your relationship's demise. (Of course, homewreckers are NEVER cool with me ;) Sometimes innocent people get caught up in the matters of our hearts and its unfortunate. Think about yourself and who next YOU may introduce into your life, and ask yourself if you'd want them entangled in your past relationship's web of mess before taking out your anger and frustration on the next person your ex may have in his life. Also, its such a waste of time and energy...focus on a better you and a better relationship to come.
  
• Be OPEN to New Prospects- Perhaps the reason things didn't work out is because what you thought you liked isn't what you really like at all. As we grow in relationships we also grow within ourselves as individuals. Maybe things didn't work out because you and your partner have outgrown each other. It happens....so what should you do? Date date date! And date DIFFERENT people. Open your mind about your prospects and be open to different people. I alluded to the fact in an earlier blog, The Quarter Life Crisis: Let's Talk About It, that a lot of what we don't even know about ourselves we find out through other people. Explore different potentials to find one that's gonna make you happy next time around.


• Don't Make Excuses for NOT moving on- When someone shows you their a**, take notice of it. We as women, the nurturers of the world, automatically want to heal a relationship or make excuses for those we love, but sometimes the answer lies in the truth. If its broken and unfixable, accept it, and begin to heal YOURSELF.
  
• Be Strong- My mother guided me through my dealings with men with the mantra "A man will only do to you what you allow him too." Truer words were never spoken. If you have a problem with they way you're being treated in a relationship, nip it in the bud or keep it moving. Honestly, if you set the guidelines down from the beginning of what you will and won't stand for, a first mistake should be the last. If you allow someone to continue to hurt, use, or mistreat you, you honestly have no one to blame but yourself. If you don't allow it-it won't happen.

Recovering from a relationship is never easy and its especially hard when you're really truly in love with someone. But, to my knowledge, no one has ever died from a broken heart; it will heal and you'll be better. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and as for relationships this is absolutely true. NO real man wants a weak, vulnerable woman to lay his head on. So take your experience and turn it into strength for the Adonis that awaits you. KNOW what you want next time around and don't be afraid to say it. Its your best life you have to live and you should live it with the best person possible. Love is synonymous with happiness...move forward and find what's real....LOVE